people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize