so that wasnt chicken after all
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
