New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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