I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize