I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
