I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When are your genitals available?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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