this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
