We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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