that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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