did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
