its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
