so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
