He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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