1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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