I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
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Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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