so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
