I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
