I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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