if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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