I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
