is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
