just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
