I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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