My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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