he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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