I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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