You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it glows. i had to have it.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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