He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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