I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
