Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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