It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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