I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
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My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.