then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.