Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.