I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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