Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point