Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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