Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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