my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
