i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
