I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?