One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science