She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
