I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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