Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
