the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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