Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
