I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
