cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize