There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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