used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
