I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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