I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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