he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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